Rules of the Road

    As I was driving through Atlanta during my trip to Georgia I thought my dad’s driving rule for interstates:  trust the signs.  He taught me this as I drove through Houston TX in the summer of 1967.  I had been driving since my birthday in December 1965, but had little experience on freeways as there were few completed in our area.   On our vacation I'd had the chance to drive on freeways many times, however, I had yet to drive on one in a big city.  I felt a mixture of great excitement and utter fear as Dad announced my driving through Houston would be good practice. 

      Things went pretty well until I had to change from one freeway to another.  My dad sat next to me asking “What does the sign say?  What lane should you be in?”  Please do not imagine that he was calmly making these statements - that just wasn't my dad's style.  I gradually learned how to use the signs and what my dad meant as he told me, “You've got to trust the signs, Cathy.”  “Follow the signs.”

      I made it through Houston (with no yelling between my dad and me that we couldn't laugh about later).  Years later I was driving in New York City and glanced over at a completely separate highway parallel to the one I was on.  I panicked for a moment when I saw a sign over the other road for the interstate I thought I was on.  Then I remembered dad’s words, rechecked the signs in front of me and realized I was on the right road.  The road to the right had its own signs directing people who wanted to merge onto the interstate I was traveling.

      In Atlanta there was no time of day when you could travel without running into terrible traffic somewhere.  So once again I thought of dad as I trusted the signs would lead me to the correct lanes and the highways I sought.  They did.

     Driving around Georgia I continued to think about "trusting the signs."  I started wondering what signs I need to trust as I prepare for my retirement.  I've called on many retirees over my years and know that they have followed signs.  Some signs were truly helpful.  Other times not so much.  For instance I've heard surviving spouses talk about how a couple's retirement plans were made based on the health issues of one spouse, only to have the "healthier" spouse pass away suddenly.  Some have moved to be near grandchildren or for health reasons, only to feel stranded as families were transferred and conditions changed.
     I saw signs within Preachers' Aid Society that pointed me towards setting my retirement date.  Our staff has gone through changes, job descriptions have been in transition, and I could see how 2016 could be a time of letting go of those responsibilities that have defined me in my work for many years.  By the end of this year I will have only one focus: completing the visits with our retirees who live outside the New England states.  As conversations have started to include such phrases as "at your last staff meeting"  or "my last annual conference while with PAS" I've felt the impact of just what following the signs will mean leaving behind.
     I remember that while I was walking the Camino I would trust the yellow arrows along the way and they were usually trustworthy.  But the greater lesson I learned on the pilgrimage, and one that I keep in mind now, was to put my trust in God.   I'll be following the highway signs as I head to Ohio to visit retirees next week, but I'll be trusting God to lead me on through this year.  God, what are the signs you have set out for me?
    Safe travels!  Cathy

A Walk in the Park

Early in the morning I head to Forest Park for my walk.  This morning was particularly glorious.  I was greeted by crows cawing at first light.  As I walked farther into the park the earth turned towards the sun and the symphony of the birds began a quick crescendo.  As day broke I was able to make out some of the birds: a mourning dove flying off, a cardinal up in the tree, red-winged blackbirds, blue jays, robins and, of course, many sparrows.
      I rounded a corner and there was the full moon in the west.  It would only be visible for a short while longer as the earth continued its slow turn to the east.  Further down I reached the duck ponds where I saw - no surprise here - ducks along with geese.  It was also a place to stop and take in the colors of the sunrise for a while.
     I love my morning walks in the park.  I've read that we are actually nourished as we walk near trees.  Researchers in Japan have found that walking among trees can reduce stress and lower blood pressure among other benefits.  Perhaps there are added benefits when we watch awesome sunrises, gaze at the full moon, or listen to and watch such a variety of birds.
     As I reached the amphitheater I saw my fox friend.  We're gradually getting to know one another.  This was the 4th or 5th time I've seen her as I round the bend.  We usually have a stare-down and she always wins.  Maybe one morning we'll stop and have a cup of coffee (or water) and get to know each other better.
     Thinking about my time in the park this morning makes me think of Mary Oliver who tells us
 “Instructions for living a life.

Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.” 

    Perhaps being in nature helps us in the practice of paying attention.  It certainly opens us to being astonished.  And here I am telling you about it.  Maybe my practice doing this in nature helps me to pay more attention to the other details of my life.  And if birds and sunrises and foxes can astonish me, then surely my paying attention will allow me be astonished in other ways.
       I still remember visiting with a retired couple up in ME years ago.  They were getting up in age and walking was difficult, but they loved sitting on their porch watching the hummingbirds at the feeder.  I joined them out there during one of my visits and was astonished at the number of hummingbirds.   In MA there was a surviving spouse (in her 80s) who would show me her garden each time I visited.  She was gradually clearing large stones from the area and building a fence with them.  When I say large stones I mean they were really large.  I had images of her with a lever and fulcrum in some cases.  Then she could work the new soil and plant more flowers and vegetables.  Her garden kept growing as she cleared more and more land. It was truly astonishing to consider the physical labor this elderly woman took on out of love for her garden.

     Next Tuesday I leave for Georgia where I'll be visiting more of our retired clergy.  I'm looking forward to enjoying the warmth of the springtime sun down there.  From there I'll travel to New Orleans to attend the 3M Network.  The "3M" stands for Maintaining Minsters in Ministry.  This group representing many conferences comes together to share the work that is happening so we can learn from one another.  I first connected with 3M as we were preparing to bring Tending the Fire to New England. 
     For now, I'm preparing for Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.  Soon we will be celebrating the joy of Easter morning and the astonishment of the Resurrection and God's great love for all of us.  I wish all of you Easter blessings.
      In preparing for my trip I'll continue to practice paying attention, and being astonished.  And I'll tell you about it next week!

Blessings on the journey!

Marveling at God's time

At the end of this month I'll be heading to Georgia for more visits.  While I'm looking forward to this next round, I'm also still reflecting on the wonderful visits in California and Arizona back in January.  One story stands out in particular.

Prior to leaving for California I had called our retired families to arrange visits.  There were a few with whom I couldn't work out a visit, but there were also a couple who I was unable to reach.  I tried calling, email if possible, and also writing.  One couple I had not reached was a Korean pastor, The Rev. Ho Kyun Ko and his wife Hyun Hee.   I had originally met the Kos shortly after his retirement.  They did not speak English and we had arranged for a friend of theirs to translate for us, but when she was unable to get to their house we ended up visiting and using the phone, with their friend on it translating, passing it back and forth.  It's hard to have a conversation that way, but we did get to know each other a little better.

So I was thrilled when their son called me as I was driving to my first visit in California.  He was in Los Angeles for the week to help them move to an assisted living facility.  He had found my letter among their things as they had moved and decided to call me.  We arranged a visit time, but then it had to be cancelled when he learned that his father had an appointment already scheduled at that time.  Their son was heading home the next day and for a time I thought we were going to miss each other after all.

But schedules change and after a shift in the times for some of my visits in Phoenix I realized we could leave earlier than originally planned to head back to L.A.  That meant possibly visiting with the Kos and still having time to drive to my afternoon visit.  We left Phoenix about 6:00AM headed for an area near downtown L.A.  As I drove it started to dawn on me that I had no idea how we would communicate with one another so I started a breath prayer:  God of grace, help us to communicate.  I repeated it over and over.  At the same time the very logical part of my mind was telling me "You've got to be kidding.  You can't just pull in someone expecting that they'll speak Korean and English."   I tried to ignore that voice.

Just a sidenote, as we got closer to L.A. the traffic picked up and it seemed to be very heavy even late on a Saturday morning.  We were moving, however, so I guess it was better than a work day.  I do not miss the traffic in southern CA!

We arrived at the address and I was even more concerned. It was a secure building in a Korean section of town.  The sign was in Korean and when I rang the doorbell the woman who answered did not speak English.  I showed her Rev. Ko's name on my phone which she recognized so she led us in to some benches in a small area to wait.  Questions arose -  would they recognize the Preachers' Aid Society logo on my card?  Might the Kos understand a little more English than before so we could say "Hi"?  Finally the woman came back to give us their room number and direct us to an elevator.  We headed up to the next floor and started looking for their room.

As we turned into a large hallway we saw people walking down the hall.  We figured they were residents coming back from lunch.  One couple was an elderly lady walking with a younger woman.  The younger woman asked - in English! - if she could help.  I told her the apartment we were looking for and she had a funny look on her face.  She asked who and when I said the Kos she smiled and said "Here they are."   She was walking with Mrs. Ko and when I looked behind her I saw her husband walking with a tall gentleman I recognized as Rev. Ko.  After I introduced myself the woman told me they had arrived the day before from Rhode Island and were heading to lunch, but we'd go back to their apartment for a short visit.  It was a wonderful visit as she and her husband  translated for us and we were able to share greetings from New England with the Kos.  We ended with prayer, first in English and then in Korean, and then walked them out to the car to head on to lunch.

I continue to be in awe of the many ways God answers prayer.  The whole time I was praying as I drove from Phoenix, God already knew we were going to have our visit.  Once again I entered for a moment into the sacredness of God's time... a time when important things can happen, even when I doubt and think they can not.  Once again God's gentle nudging urged me to trust, to trust that God's time is big, especially when we focus on one another.  As I planned my visits for Georgia and more recently as I put together a trip to Ohio I tried to leave enough time to allow for bad traffic and for delays.  But I also tried to trust that God will be present in the times of travel and also with each visit.  I look forward to once again sitting down with our retired families and connecting with them in person.  May God's awesome sense of time be with me in my travels.  And thank you, those who are reading this, for traveling with me also! 
Blessings,
Cathy

Successful Struggle

One of my favorite parts of visiting retirees is to learn what they are reading.  I was not disappointed as I started my visits in January.  The first retired pastor I visited was reading The Beautiful Struggle by Ta-Nehisi Coates,  a black correspondent for the Atlantic Monthly.  She thought it was even better than his more recent book Between the World and Me, written in the form of a letter to his son.   I was immediately captivated by the title.  I can only imagine the struggles of a black man so the word beautiful truly jumped out at me.

The next day Richard and I stopped to spend the night at Joshua Tree CA on our way to Phoenix.  We arrived in the late afternoon and had time to take a couple of short hikes in the Joshua Tree National Park.  Along the trails were signs giving information about the desert.  I couldn't believe it when I saw the title of one, "Successful Struggle."  There was that word again, this time paired with the unlikely word "successful."

The Beautiful Struggle... Successful Struggle... I've been thinking about struggle in terms of retirement since the word and it's unusual descriptors decided to bore their way into me.   The sign in Joshua Tree National Park mentioned adaptation as a means of survival in the desert.  As the area grew more arid it was the plants and animals adapting to the desert rather than fighting that survived in the increasingly harsh climate.  After referring to some of the ways the plants and animals adapted the sign concluded with this sentence: "Each is an example of survival, a small miracle, and a valuable lesson."

We have many, many retirees who are like that - examples of survival, valuable lessons, and even some small miracles.  I thought back to Lois Palches, a poet and essayist.  Lois and her husband Peter lived in an apartment at the Deaconess in Concord MA (Now one of The Deaconess Abundant Life Communities) and I called on them regularly.  One day Lois passed along an essay to me, the title I've forgotten, but the theme was adaptation.  She wrote about how much they loved to entertain. Lois, in particular, loved to cook and bake.  So when they first retired they regularly had friends over for dinner.  However, as they and their friends aged she found that it was more and more difficult for them to drive at night, so she adapted.  They began having friends over for lunch.  With great style and humor Lois continued to tell the story of adaptation as she noted they got older more and more often their friends wanted to leave early to take an afternoon nap.  She responded by inviting friends to brunch.

I also think of Betty Stahl, who I called on along with her husband Roland in Rhode Island.  When she was at risk of debilitating pain from arthritis she decided to try Tai Chi.  She not only learned Tai Chi but went on to teach it.  After her husband Roland died she started mowing the yard with a hand mower.  Each morning she would go outside and do a small section. She adapted so she might live fully.

I remember one of my later visits with Lois.  They had moved to an assisted living apartment and she no longer had access to an oven; she greatly missed being able to bake.  It was in this new time of adapting that she came up with an idea for her epitaph, "The loaf of my life has tested done."  I loved it!  Lois died in 1998 at the age of 93. 

I know my own struggles, most cushioned by white privilege, don't compare with those of Ta-Nehisi Coates and I've never faced the life and death struggles of the desert, but I do understand that the aging process will bring struggle into my retirement years.  As I consider the struggles of so many retirees visited over the years I realize that many can be described by the words "beautiful" and "successful."    So I am thankful for Lois and Betty and so many others.  I am blessed by the valuable lessons of their lives. Who are those who have blessed your life with valuable lessons?

A vision for retirement

Sunrise looking east towards Phoenix

   It’s my second day catching up after my two week jaunt through California and Arizona.  I traveled 1,377 miles which included the Los Angeles area and south, Phoenix AZ, and just outside San Francisco CA.   One of the visits in AZ was a little Northwest of Phoenix in Sun City.  When looking at the History of Retirement, Sun City is a significant part of the story.

You see, in 1960 a new idea emerged as Del Webb built 5 model homes in Sun City AZ just outside of Phoenix.  On January 1^st of that year thousands came through to see the homes and the sales began.  In the first year 2,000 modest homes sold for $8,500 to$11,750.  Webb had a vision of an active community for those 55 or older.  And people responded.  

I get the impression from reading about this first "retirement community" that it was promoting a leisurely but active lifestyle that accented sports like golf, tennis, and bowling.  It has gone through changes over the years and what I saw was an area filled with far more than one retirement community.  An article in the "Arizona Republic" notes that Sun City is reinventing itself as it continues to attract retirees – now the Baby Boomer generation.  The modest houses are being bought and renovated and newer, updated homes continue to be built.  The median price in Sun City is now up to about $130,000.  The article said golf courses are less crowded and the bowling alleys are not used as much, but new activities are taking their place.  

Someone retiring in their mid to late 60's may live another 30 years, so interests have changed.  Now you will see retirees on the golf course, swimming, and maybe bowling, but you will also see retirees out hiking, jogging, and participating in more strenuous sports.  They're also finding ways to continue learning.  Our churches can be a significant part of this more "active" retirement as our elders seek out mission trips, service projects, volunteer opportunities and other ways to be involved in their local community and beyond.  Spending time with extended family is also a priority.  I met retirees and surviving spouses who originally moved West to be near grandchildren as they grew up.  Others moved out later in life to be near adult children who could assist with their care.

I loved hearing about the lives of those I visited.  Their interests filled a wide range from promoting racial justice to caring for good friends dying, from watching a grandchild regularly, to writing a memoir, and from horseback riding to staying active on the computer. 

I found a definition of retirement: “the action or fact of leaving one’s job and ceasing to work.”  It may be true that whether we are pastors or plumbers, lawyers or food servers, house painters or managers, teachers or janitors, we will cease working one day and drawing a paycheck.  We are more than our work, however, and I think we have to figure that our before we retire.  I'm thinking about my own dreams and hopes - how will they help to form a vision for my retirement?  

I saw a Snoopy cartoon this morning.  Charlie Brown  is pointing out to Snoopy that one day we will all die.  Snoopy comes back with "True, but on all the other days we will not."  What will give meaning to all those other days? 

Blessings,  Cathy

So… What is Retirement?

I’m going to be in retirement in less than a year, so I thought I’d begin this year reflecting on what “retirement” is.  When I asked google, “What is the history of retirement?”   I found some interesting articles.

The first essay I read was published in the New York Times in 1999.  The author, Mary-Lou Weisman, has a great sense of humor.  Her pithy look at retirement begins with a look at the Stone Age in which everyone was employed until 20 at which time most had died of unnatural causes.  She notes “Any early man who lived long enough to develop crow's-feet was either worshiped or eaten as a sign of respect.”

In the Middle Ages people did live longer; she writes rather negatively about old people at that time:

Plus they tended to hang on to their wealth and property. This made them very unpopular with their middle-aged sons, who were driven to earn their inheritances the old-fashioned way, by committing patricide.

The next article I read (A Brief History of Retirement in America Part 1, by MELP on October 18, 2009) begins with this warning:  “This unbearably long article, broken into five parts, tries to put our notions of retirement in an historical perspective.”   Early in Part 1 Mel writes

Retirement is a new idea, and for most of its history, it wasn’t popular with older people. Most of our great-grandparents probably hated the very idea of it. Apparently they had more common sense than we do. Retirement was never designed to help older people; it was designed to get rid of them.

Hmmm.  It appears I really do need to spend some time thinking about this.  I did some speed reading of Mel’s history and learned that with the industrial revolution came the need to get rid of less efficient older workers to make way for younger ones supporting families.  But what to do?  Many of the corporations apparently still had consciences (they are people, you know) and they didn’t want to just turn their loyal workers on the streets.  So small pensions were created and in some cases they built houses for the workers.  By the 1920s the norm was leaning towards retirement with a small pension (small meaning it wasn’t quite enough to live on).

The depression however, pushed the question as both young and old were out of jobs.  There’s a longer story (which you can read on  Mel’s blog), but the depression led to the passage of the Social Security Act in which all workers would receive a payment in retirement and the workers contributions would fund the program.

I think I’ll stop here and give thanks for Social Security.  The Conference’s annual Pre-Retirement Seminar has long emphasized that we should not depend on Social Security alone.  But that doesn’t mean I'm not very grateful for those who designed and implemented this program that has given the elders of our country a basic source of funds for their later years. 

Tomorrow I leave for California to begin visiting some of the New England Conference’s retired clergy living on the West Coast.  A long plane ride should give me more time for reflection as I begin the Road to Retirement!

Notes:

“The History of Retirement, From Early Man to A.A.R.P.” by Mary-Lou Weisman

http://www.nytimes.com/1999/03/21/jobs/the-history-of-retirement-from-early-man-to-aarp.html

“A Brief History of Retirement in America” by MELP:

http://www.thenexthill.com/a-brief-history-of-retirement-in-america-part-1.htm